The afterglow and the kite trail

As a kid, running behind butterflies and following the dragonflies was an indulgence none of us can deny of. But my favorite activity was to watch fireflies, hidden in the bushes.. My dad used to take us to the airport to see the planes taking off and landing on those glittering long roads, sparkling on both the sides. What I used to watch were the streaks of light these little insects made. How all these memories came rushing back while returning from Jim Corbett National Park a few weeks back. And how I realized that the fireflies and their lighted backs still amaze me. Watching the dark fields with sparkling little insects glowing all along the way took me to another state altogether, a state called "being happy". I always wanted to hold one but never had the courage enough to catch it for the fear of hurting it. Watching them from the window of that fast moving bus on a long highway took me back to my childhood.

The rainy season brings along a lot of pleasures, the pleasure of drizzles, rainbows and pakoras! But the one I like the most is-KITES. I have always had this habit of watching people flying kites. I have been a good assistant to many of them too! The way this piece of paper makes way through the air and is being handled just by a thin thread is so fascinating that one loses himself watching it.. As it treads its path so free-spirited, undecided yet in a controlled motion, the direction and the flow, we observe the biggest paradox! Another oxymoron in life, and so real.
Even today I go to my terrace to watch kids on the top distant buildings, flying kites, shouting, running and enjoying the spirit, the spirit of being free..

These little things had fantasized me when I was a kid. Dumped in some corner of my mind, I forgot about their existence. This season when they returned to my conscience, I realized how I was leaving behind my childhood. But I guess i have managed to hold on to them because they still bring joy to me and like everyone, I am still a child inside.

Living with illusions

A girl younger to me, who even happens to be my sister messaged a few lines to me. She said, "Reality is just a shared illusion, what say you?" And by chance I had been thinking of this word for quite some days now. It is a strange word but sounds so sweet - IILUSION!

Our existence in the world is mere illusion, for our souls have been breathing in this worldly plane and are born again and again. Heavy philosophy! I know.. But the truth is that we are all a part of a cosmic conspiracy whose roots lie in just one source of energy. The energy keeps changing forms and is transformed from one being to another. Like cells we keep dividing. Yet we are so scared of death for it involves losing our identity and our existence. Just dare to think once, its actually not that difficult. A woman goes through the cycle of birth and death in her body every month, and she understands it deeply. A man does it by being a witness to it.

We all live under the impression of loving or being loved by someone. We get attached to people around and start caring for them, its all a part of the 'palace of illusions' we build around ourselves. But there is nothing to complain about it. We are happy being a part of such an arrangement.

But.. the question remains unanswered for me, what she asked me that day, Is reality too a shared illusion?? 

The other side

she felt complete when you held her hand

in the dreams she walked with you

to the lake till morning bright

and slept with that memory every night

 she felt complete when you smiled at her

on the terrace 

you stared at her gleaming face

that night, you made her heart race

 she felt complete when she wore your t-shirt

that one hanging lose

but the warmth and smell

she is still under its spell

 she felt complete when they walked along

in search of the station

spending a day in the heart of a garden

dreaming of a song to be sung in arden

 she felt complete sitting with you

in a lonely afternoon

at a lonely fort

and the memory is still not distort

 she feels incomplete today

trying to solve the puzzle

life is a mystery

and she works hard

each day to overcome the jittery!!

I Remember..

I remember the time..
we held our hands,
the time we walked
in the alleys of a secluded 'ferozeshah kotla';
the moment we clicked
the circle on the wall.

I remember the smile
that was given on a cafe terrace,
the hug at the metro station,
and the surprise peck on the cheek
secretly at the new delhi station.

I remember the firm grip on my hand
in the bustling sunday market,
the glance in the reflection in an auto
which caught me by surprise.

I remember the sunny day
spent walkin in the heart of chandni chowk,
the evenin in a pub
at connaught place,
when we secretly blushed at each other.

I remember the hands held
under the table.
And a walk on a long road,
after the wishlist was written.
ah! twas magical.

I remember the look in your eyes
when i stared at you in the mirror
and we chose something for me..
i even remember the way our hands touched
when we walked in the streets
and i was disappointed.

I remember the longing
i had
for you to come and say
i am back and won't leave you ever.
and the last memory i have
is of a boy who left me
all alone in the crowd
when i came to hear him say something,
something special.

The days were beautiful, blissful
and would stay with us for life.
whether you are there or not
i promise i would smile
for i saw them and felt them with you.

Let it flow..

If we can smile in happiness, why do we hesitate to let the tears flow in sadness? The emotions and the depth of feelings our tears make us experience is pure. And while I write this note, the water in my eyes explore the contours on my face and find a path down to my neck. Ah! experiencing the void within can be so difficult.

I smile the whole day, share gossips and giggle around. And when I sit with myself, my "Best friends" appear in my eyes. My sister finds it too confusing when I manage to cry and smile-together. She always asked me to decide what I really wanted to do!

The memories are very powerful. They can make you laugh your heart out when you are accompanied by your friends. And, they can melt your heart & moisten your eyes when you are all on your own.

But.. this flow of emotion is very important for it cleanses our soul and lightens our heart. Unfulfilled dreams, unmatched deals, distant expectations and loathsome words-these all hurt us and stay registered in our heats to make us cry time and again. Needless to say, Dad's appreciation , mom's gentle touch and a friend's hug makes the water of emotion find a path for itself too.

"Tears are as natural to us as breathing and there is beauty in allowing yourself to be open to the pain of tears.

How wonderful it feels to give in and let tears flow when we are overwhelmed with emotions, whether we are happy or sad. Tears come from the soul, from our well of feelings rising from deep down".

As I pen this down, my tears keep rolling back and forth and again I smile and I cry- all together, just to confuse my sister yet again :P

This photograph was taken from REUTERS. The pain experienced by the lady is so visible and the emotion so pure.

Accept the modest responsibilities today!

Every act of consideration, how minute it might appear 


on face, is backed by so many efforts of the unseen 


faces; But some of them are so oftenly seen, that we 


tend to ignore what difference they have been making in 


our lives.


No act is too insignificant. For my mum, Who wakes me up 


shouting each day, scorns at me when I get back home 


late and almost kills me when I induldge in an arguement 


with her. All the efforts she makes throughout the day, 


and doing so from so many years have came along so 


unnoticed. Her effort to send us to school, then to 


creche, then to tuitions and then to college. We grew 


up, so busy during our adolescence, unaware of the 


difficulties of raising children. Today on realising, we 


still fail to give her the due. And she understands, 


demanding nothing but ears to hear her routine, a touch 


to assure that no matter what, we are there and a smile 


to tell her that all is well. The little things a mother 


does, cannot be replaced by anything in the world.


For my sister, who listened to all my stories with such 


an interest in her eyes, she came to me for every little 


decision to be taken calling me 'didi, didi'.. Gone are 


those days now, but those moments stay etched in our 


hearts. Today we sit and chat, but that innocence is 


long gone. We still have sweet little nothings to offer 


to each other, which makes a lot of difference.


I particularly mentioned these two faces for they hold a 


great importance for me and I forget to acknowledge 


their presence each day. And today, I realise how 


special they are to me for all the gestures and smiles 


exchanged are far above the growls and fights we tend to 


share!

This night

This night, Ah! stark black
why cant i see clearly
where am i heading..
why do you keep coming
back and again
smile at me,
make fun of me..
Why do i still feel
your gentle touch
caressing my face
that only holds
an expression of being lost today.

This night
reminds me of so many nights
when we walked to those mountains
hand-in-hand
stayed in seclusion
oh! how dreamy were we!
unaware of the realities
we had to face.

and here it is
this night,
when i can only long for you
and can't express it
for the wall that
was built between us
holding a lamp
which you and i
refused to light
and chose to remain
alone, in this night.