A pink floyd song, close to my heart!

"Coming Back To Life"

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

To all those who do not know what yearning is!

The red moon in the sky, how beautiful it could have been after being eclipsed last night! The cold breeze and delhi's traffic pasing along when you are sitting in a slow moving auto, the headlights glaring at you, street lights gleaming unthankfully and the continuos honking which is annoying. With someone talking to you, hearing certain experiences make you ponder upon certain situations and happenings in your life. Exactly this is what I went through in the evening today. I spent a huge amount, got momentary happiness and a bulk of guilt while returning :P

I kept thinking about those who don't have yearning for what they claim to be theirs, who do not long to be with them despite of saying "I miss you." It happens with all of us, We dread to lose some people, some articles in our lives for their invaluable existence. I somewhere started wishing that I could be as cold and unreachable. But suddenly something panged in me and I pitied those who couldn't feel the way I could, human beings could!

For those who couldn't realise what yearning is, what longing means, how difficult it is to wait and what a pure emotion comes out of experiencing it all, I would pray for them :) 

The moon couldn't be mine

i didn't stop looking at it

i still wished

i still dreamt

i still hoped..

Growing up

The eyes, those very innocent..
were waiting
for the figure which appeared each evening
and took her back
to 'their' home.
Seeing her mother
from that balcony
made her smile with joy
and she rushed down
the staircase.
she never hugged, nor did she jump.
The emotion remained concealed.

The mind, which was growing,
started observing
people, places and politics.
With each word she read,
each person she met,
she felt a stronger desire
to talk more
to know more
to engage herself.
She never said it, nor did she show.
The want remained quiet.

The heart, profound,
had felt the happiness
and the grief
all along.
Life was as it is suppossed to be,
And she was growing.
The wait had been long.
Eyes, still in search
and the mind, still trying to figure out.
She never denied the feeling, nor did she supress it.
The pain remained throbbing.

Rains

And it rains
the breeze, cold
the fragrance, wet
the night, alone
the eyes, wandering
the mind, hay-wired
the heart, longing
the wait, endless.

The Suppression

when the eyes are filled
with tears
and the mind with angst
everyone asks tou to
lead a life of fear
but you say, please take a stand.
You want to scream
out at the world
and break free
but you keep holding
for your bitter tongue
creates havoc
And you are reminded
again and again
of the ways of the world
and the expectations of many.
And you think,
think hard and wonder
"why did I grow to be
what I am"
Indeed it is tough
to say out loud
that I refuse'to be a part of this crowd.
And then you are shooed
all your aspirations die
The rebel in you
sits and thinks,
"Okay! lets give it a try!"

Jagjit Singh-The man with golden voice

He had a voice of silk, sang words straight from heart and made us think while listening to his songs. Jagjit Singh was mesmerising. Apne hothon par sajana chahta hoon, aa tujhe main gungunana chahta hoon. I sing it for him today, he would stay in our hearts and so would his songs in our mind and his voice in our souls.

I grew up listening to songs of Jagjit and Chitra, unconsciously our minds were swaying to his tunes, and we realised only on growing up what his songs meant to us.  Songs like kothey te aa mahiya, Chhareyan di joon buri.. bring smile to our faces even today. How I regret having not attended even a single live concert by him. His live performances were most loved for he had a sense of humour and a knack to connect to the audience in his unique way. The kurta-pyjama clad singer with his harmonium, he was the most stylish ghazal singer ever!

Aapko dekh kar dekhta reh gaya.. I feel the song is written for me. Garaj baras pyaasi dharti par phir paani de maula.. the song  is the best ever, lyrical and thought-provoking, I have never heard a more honest song! Jhuki jhuki si nazar, the classic in all ways. Wo kagaz ki kashti wo barish ka pani, one song everyone relates to. Jagjit singh had something about him; He could sing any song with such ease and bring life to all the words.

Hoshwalon ko khabar kya bekhudi kya cheez hai, His songs had a satire which would make anyone wonder about life and indulge in some profound thoughts. As he said in one of his songs, Jhooth wale kahin se kahin badh gaye, aur main tha ke sach bolta reh gaya..Aandhiyon ke irade toh achhe na the, ye diya kaise jalta reh gaya.. This is what I meant by satire in his songs! This reminds me of some more lines from another song where he sang fir moorat se bahar aakar charon aur bikhar ja, fir mandir ko koi meera deewani de maula..

This is an ode to the maestro and my favourite songs by him. Maut bhi main shayrana chahta hoon,Indeed Mr. Singh :)

The afterglow and the kite trail

As a kid, running behind butterflies and following the dragonflies was an indulgence none of us can deny of. But my favorite activity was to watch fireflies, hidden in the bushes.. My dad used to take us to the airport to see the planes taking off and landing on those glittering long roads, sparkling on both the sides. What I used to watch were the streaks of light these little insects made. How all these memories came rushing back while returning from Jim Corbett National Park a few weeks back. And how I realized that the fireflies and their lighted backs still amaze me. Watching the dark fields with sparkling little insects glowing all along the way took me to another state altogether, a state called "being happy". I always wanted to hold one but never had the courage enough to catch it for the fear of hurting it. Watching them from the window of that fast moving bus on a long highway took me back to my childhood.

The rainy season brings along a lot of pleasures, the pleasure of drizzles, rainbows and pakoras! But the one I like the most is-KITES. I have always had this habit of watching people flying kites. I have been a good assistant to many of them too! The way this piece of paper makes way through the air and is being handled just by a thin thread is so fascinating that one loses himself watching it.. As it treads its path so free-spirited, undecided yet in a controlled motion, the direction and the flow, we observe the biggest paradox! Another oxymoron in life, and so real.
Even today I go to my terrace to watch kids on the top distant buildings, flying kites, shouting, running and enjoying the spirit, the spirit of being free..

These little things had fantasized me when I was a kid. Dumped in some corner of my mind, I forgot about their existence. This season when they returned to my conscience, I realized how I was leaving behind my childhood. But I guess i have managed to hold on to them because they still bring joy to me and like everyone, I am still a child inside.